Waiting for my "Adam"
As young girls, we're taught to wait on our Prince Charming. As young women, we're taught to go for what we want. It's confusing. I was torn between waiting on "fate" to take its course and making things happen for myself. I spent so many years trying to navigate through this crazy world of dating and relationships, that I've completely missed the mark. Boyfriend after boyfriend. First loves to numerous lusts. No one really did "it" for me. I was never satisfied - always searching for more. In the beginning of my "relationships" (both official and not so much) there would be sparks and they would slowly fade over time. By the 2nd or 3rd month, I was completely over them. And I'm not writing this to shade any of them - most were pretty great guys, but not for me. I just simply lost interest. I would be so excited in the beginning, and once the excitement started to wear off and I was no longer blinded by our "firsts", I would get realistic with myself.
What's underneath the surface?
Do I even really like him, or do I just like the idea of having someone?
Sad part is that I was a complete coward when it came to breaking things off. I would just stop talking to them, cold turkey. No warnings. No explanations. And that's pathetic. I would be "all in" in the beginning, and made them believe that we were on the same page.. I mean, we were. At least I thought we were. But in all actuality, they were only place holders until I found something "better".
All women have a list. Even though you may not want to admit it, or even if you've never written it down, you have a list. A list of characteristics that you would want your husband to have. While dating in my college years, I always had "the list" in the back of my mind. I would check one thing off at a time, hoping that this particular guy would be "the one".. But he was N E V E R the one. You know why? Because I chose him and tried to make him fit into my life, instead of waiting on God to bring me the man who He created with me in mind.
Sis, click the link above and W A T C H T H A T V I D E O . Now.
I came across Heather Lindsey's YouTube channel a few months ago. I was watching beauty videos, and one of the guru's made a video about not dating and waiting for her Adam. I thought it was a bunch of brainwashed malarkey until I compared her words what the Bible says.
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.
So pretty much, I need to sit my impatient self down somewhere and wait on the Lord. I should be focused on my God-given purpose, not on finding a husband. His job is to find me. I'm not a hunter. Which explains why I haven't had the best of luck with men (or boys, depending on who we're addressing).
Now, this isn't the first time that I've heard this verse, but it's definitely the first time that I've taken it seriously. As I'm becoming closer to God, I'm beginning to trust Him with my life. It's kind of hard when you've been taking matters into your own hands your whole adult life. I just know that I've been crashing and burning for the past few years, not making any real progress - so why not give God the chance to make things right.. You know?
That's not to say that I don't plan on dating - I actually don't "plan" on anything right now, seeing as my "plans" never seem to work too well. I'm just going to take things a day at a time, and for exactly what they are. If I'm interested in a man and he happens to ask me out to dinner, I'm going to dinner. He didn't propose. We're not hopping in the bed together. We're just going to dinner and having (hopefully) great conversation; nothing more, nothing less.
Listening to His word and waiting on my "Adam" is just one aspect of my journey with Christ, but trusting Him with my life is a more daunting task. I can touch on that in another post, but just thought I'd let you guys in on more of my "dating stories".
Are you struggling with the same thing? I listen to a few motivational podcasts to help to keep me on course and I'll link them below :)
Heather and Cornelius Lindsey: The Gathering Oasis
Jay Mayo: The Right to R.E.A.L. Love
And another YouTube video from Heather Lindsey that I absolutely love : He's Just Not That Into You