A little personal - Part 5
*** Disclaimer: This is unedited.
I broke down. This wasn't apart of my birth plan, but the fentanyl and pitocin only made Jace more upset.
My OB broke the news to my mom and asked me who I would want to accompany me in the ER. "Mommy!", I shouted. Out of fear of the unknown. She'd been there from the start! Who else would I need to be there?
My mom had a different idea, of course. She darted out the room to go search for him and his family - they'd just left not too long before to grab some last. A few moments later, he came in with my mom, grabbed my hand and told me that it was going to be ok. I wish I could say that his kind words and sweet demeanor made me less nervous, but it didn't. I appreciated the gesture though. We hated each other and he still mustered up gentle phrases of reassurance to make me feel comfortable. Thank you.
They made him get dressed in light blue coveralls - you know, the one's that the doctors wear on Grey's Anatomy - and told him to bring a camera. The only camera he had was on his iPhone, and that unfortunately was on 10%. (Fast forward 2 years, and I'm still pissed that I don't have any birthing footage. Especially since I was pretty much incoherent, haha)
I was whisked away to the ER. Hooked up to machines and stretched out on the operating table. As cold sensations rushed through my limbs, I saw the doors swing open and he walked over to my side. He grabbed my hand again.
I felt myself drifting away. Terrified, I looked him in the eyes and said "Don't let me fall asleep. Whatever you do, don't let me close my eyes. Promise?" He agreed.
I started to shiver and shake uncontrollably. He and the doctors tried their hardest to hold conversations with me, but I honestly couldn't process a word they were saying.
Tugging and pulling. More tugging and pulling. I looked him in the face and asked him to check to make sure everything was ok. He did. They asked him to not look over the curtain. "There's a lot of blood", he whispered.
More tugging and pulling, and Kendrick Lamar's "B*tch, Don't Killed My Vibe" in the background. Apparently, the anesthesiologists were huge hiphop fans..
More and more tugging and pulling, but this time a subtle cry was paired.
"Wow, look at those lips!"
"Look at that head!"
"He's here?", I asked. "Yes mom! Do you want to hold him?!"
I couldn't hold him. I was shaking too much. So they wrapped Jace in a blanket and held him by my face.
5-7 pictures in and his phone died.